Parents. How do we teach our kids about sex? Do we let them get to fifth grade and find out in health class? Do we let them figure it out from their friends on the school bus? Do we let them figure it out from movies or television? When talking with other moms, it seems that these are some of the norms. However, is there a better way? I believe so. I feel it is our responsibility as parents to discuss these uncomfortable topics with our children ourselves. But, how? When Elijah was young, I heard about a program called Passport2Purity and decided to order it. My understanding of the program was this…When your child is around ten or eleven years old, the dad takes the boy on a trip or the mom takes the girl on a trip. This trip is to teach your child about “the birds and the bees.” However, as this blog will detail, it is so much more.
What is Passport2Purity?
I ordered my kit from eBay, of all places, because we our budget was so tight. I discovered that I could order it from eBay and get it cheaper than the Family Life website. According to their website, Passport2Purity is “a life-changing getaway with your teen. Your child begins the journey into adolescence in a world of sexting, bullying, online stalking, and moral defiance. Innocence is under attack, and you cannot win the battle with a single awkward talk or a strict set of rules. The primary defense for your child is a strong relationship with you and with God. Family Life has developed Passport2Purity to assist you in building heart-to-heart communication with your preteen while laying a foundation of purity that will prepare them for the turbulent years ahead. Through the shared listening experience, object lessons, and guided conversations of a Passport2Purity weekend getaway, you can set your son or daughter on a journey of moral integrity—and strengthen the bond between you. Passport2Purity is designed to be used by a mother and daughter or a father and son when the child is a preteen. It is suggested that the materials be completed over a weekend away from home, as the child may be more open to discussing the topics away from his or her normal environment. If this is not possible, the material can be completed over a period of four or five weeks.” The kit includes a five-session CD or downloadable series, a journal, and a parent guide.
Our Experiences with Passport2Purity
Since our oldest is a boy, Dana planned a trip for him and Elijah. Since we are in ministry, we chose to do a three-day trip during the week versus a weekend the program suggested. Again, I made a purchase from eBay, but this time for Pittsburgh Steelers tickets! Dana is a lifelong fan and Elijah has followed suit. They were both over the top excited about this part of the trip. Dana came back and said that this program was awesome! I took his word for it until two years later, when I took Abigail on her trip. In trying to decide where we would go and what we would do for these trips for each subsequent child, we decided to let our girls pick where they wanted to go within a 3-4 hour range from home, as long as it was within the budget. Abigail chose Columbus because there was an American Girl shop there. Elizabeth chose to ride Amtrak to New Buffalo, Michigan, because there was a beach there along Lake Michigan. Ariel chose to go to Splash Village Waterpark one day and to the Toledo Zoo one day.
Once we decided on our locations, we made reservations and headed down the road. I must confess that the idea of talking to my girls about sex was a bit overwhelming. I guess our culture has made it feel taboo, but God gave us these children to raise, and this, even though uncomfortable, is part of the deal.
The Passport2Purity Kit comes with five lessons that you listen to with your child. Dana and I both used the car rides to listen to the lessons. Each lesson is about 45-60 minutes long, with number three feeling like it is forever because it is about the act of sexual intercourse…yeek! Your child is given a journal to follow along with. So, even though you are taking your child on this trip to talk about sex, peer pressure, and the like, you are the guide on the side. The lessons do all the talking and tell you when to pause and talk with or field questions from your child. The parent guide gives you all the information you need to get ready for your trip. There is an object lesson with each lesson and the guide will tell you what to purchase ahead of time. With the girls, we listened to the lessons in the car and then did the object lessons at the hotel. The one exception I made was that I did session three in the hotel (Lesson 3 deals with intercourse and is the lengthiest). The five sessions are as follows:
- Session 1: Beginning the Journey – Challenges, Traps, and Choices
- Session 2: Running with The Herd – Friendships and Peer Pressure
- Session 3: Ready for An Upgrade? – Changes in Him, Changes in Her
- Session 4: Destination: Lé Pure – Setting Boundaries
- Session 5: Crossing the Date Line – Seeing Dating Differently
Because this series is aimed at the preteen, it is a little corny, with sound effects and even songs (we fast-forwarded those), so fair warning there. However, if you can overlook those things, the content is very good. As with anything in life, you will have to make this your own. In one of the examples given in the lesson on dating, a young man chose not to have his first kiss until his wedding. Not everyone will agree with that. Instead, we encourage our kids to pray about and decide what they will allow when it comes to things like holding hands, kissing, and more. Obviously, the idea is to wait until marriage for sex, but as far as the things before intercourse, setting boundaries ahead of time is greatly beneficial and will differ from person to person. One of the things I enjoy about this program is the idea of deciding what you will do before you are faced with different situations, such as peer pressure, dating, kissing, and the like. It is similar to the 5 P’s of life my husband is always preaching in our home: Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance. Likewise, encouraging your preteen to anticipate the obstacles of dating will set them up for success.
What age is Passport2Purity for?
Passport2Purity is aimed at preteens, ages 10-12. I would advise you to do this trip before middle school. Elijah was 12; Abigail was 11; Elizabeth was 10; and Ariel was two weeks shy of 11. I felt like Elizabeth and Ariel were a bit too young, but I also knew the timing was fitting for our schedule and our family, so we did it on the younger side. For the younger two, when the lesson talked about being attracted to a boy, they both said something along the lines of, “Gross!” However, the foundation has been laid, and they know what to expect. Also, a note: There is an extra part of Lesson 3 that is optional. It talks about oral sex, masturbation, and pornography. With Elizabeth, I left that part until she was a bit older. With Ariel, I let her listen to that part. With older siblings, she knew far more than the others had. She said she “learned about sexy sleeping from the story of Lot in the Bible.” Still, when we actually came to the part about what intercourse really is, she had more to learn, and when that part played, she let out a long breath and said a long, “WOAH!” It was quite funny, and I am glad I am the one who got to hear each of my girls’ reactions to how God made man and woman for one another. I will add that another of my girls said, “Have you ever done that?” I just laughed. Yes, they were young, and yes, they have learned more as they have grown older, but it was me getting to be the one to tell them. One additional note here: If your child is older than the recommended age, it is not too late! It is never too late to be intentional in your parenting. Perhaps you adapt things to fit, but never too late. A bit awkward with older ones? Perhaps, but wouldn’t you rather have awkward than not address the uncomfortable topics with the ones you love the most? And, even though awkward, I can assure you that it has helped keep the lines of communication open between us, as parents, and our children.
Hopefully, this blog has helped you understand more about Passport2Purity and our experiences. We believe in intentional parenting, and peer pressure, dating, and sex, are huge areas in which we must be intentional. I will add that my husband is a pastor and we believe in this so much that we have purchased kits for parents in our congregation to borrow so that they can take this journey with their preteens. If you have any questions, feel free to Contact Me and I would love to chat. God bless you!
Thriving in the Fishbowl 